We are become fire.

Well! I guess I needed a stronger sort of reset than I thought I would. Yesterday, I started watching a Netflix show called Glitch, in between delivery orders-. And eventually turned off my Uber Eats app altogether, and powered through the entire first two seasons before sleeping!
But now?
Now, my mind is fire.
Today, I am fire.
I have decided I will not quit smoking today- but that does not mean I am no longer actively working on the Not Smoking Project. I will write about that, elsewhere, though! Here, right now- I want to talk about fire.
I want to talk about how you can become fire, if you so choose.
As I’ve said before, The Project can be viewed from many angles.
This does not mean always productive in the way that might be visible to an outsider, however. And yes, some of this is a bit of a ‘fake it until you make it’ kind of thing- but that phrasing in itself is… problematic.
Finding what it is already there, within us all, in every moment. Waiting to be unearthed, waiting to be unleashed.
What we are, is human. Mind, body, and soul. A system – entire.
We neglect any component part of this system- at our peril.
A mind given power with no meaning behind it, will cause us to act in ways that corrode our souls, our relationships.
And so, cannot be sustained.
A body given strength with no thought behind it, will forever be seeking. Forever searching, though we may not know for what we lack.
And so, will eventually grow weak.
And a soul, given unequal succor of body and of mind- is an aimless one. Will never find clarity of purpose- will never feel truly whole.
And so, will begin to burn like acid inside us.
The Project is my attempt to document the myriad facets of this very personal journey- in ways that might offer some guidance to those who do not yet know which direction to set their next step- but who are looking for their own path to follow.
You cannot follow mine, nor anyone else’s.
You must find your own path.
The one that is already there, inside you. You must find ways to uncover this path before you, to clear the undergrowth obscuring its clarity from you.
Our brains, our lives- make this very difficult.
We must let go of the need to be right – and embrace a desire to succeed.
These are very different things.
Feel first, think second, always. When I am feeling, actively- my thoughts become bound by the limits of those feelings.
I usually cannot tell this happening, until after those feelings have cooled in their passion. I cannot stop those feelings from occurring-
So I find ways to direct them into the outlet that I choose.
And I recognize this needs to happen, by gauging how successful I am in whatever I’m doing. If I’m trying to think about a problem I’m having, an obstacle I am facing- and I realize I have revisited the same issues and the same few answers, more than once or twice, with no new solutions coming to mind as the definitive path to take to next attempt surmounting the obstacles before me-
Then it is time to do something other than think about that problem, for a time.  Until it is safe to do so again – until it is effective to do so, again.
It might mean watching a TV show all day, or going out for a walk- or dancing as I clean the house. Or resting, for a while – but really resting.  Doing a thing with partial attention – just to turn our brains off for a while – this is not resting.  Our brains keep going, but in ways that reinforce the habits of tuning out from the world in which we live.
Then, when I have successfully used that frustration as fuel to take on some other task- then, I am able to view those obstacles with a clear mind.
And then- I am much more capable of viewing those obstacles as merely that- instead of as unpassable dead ends.
There is always an answer. There just may not be an answer, now.
And when I take the time to make sure that I am in the peak condition to be doing whatever it is I’m choosing to do at the moment- I do those things much more efficiently. I stop wasting so much time spinning in circles.
It sometimes feels counter-intuitive, this process. That to be most efficient at a particular task, we must sometimes stop doing it at all, for a time.
Whenever I get to that point where I’m spinning my wheels, though, so to speak- frustration builds, and I begin making the kind of mistakes that come from acting out of haste. And because of the way our plastic brains, work-
We are then reinforcing those mistakes into the process of learning, itself.  
Those mistakes become part of the activity, in our minds, which we will later have to spend time unlearning.
So, yes. I spend a good deal of time thinking, and analyzing myself and the world around me. But I only do so when it is efficient to do so. When I feel like I am getting somewhere positive, when I feel like that thinking is productive to be doing.
And all this- I’ve found to be, simply- what is efficient.
Rational.
Because I am most productive, have the highest energy levels- when I am feeling positive, instead of negative. And when I am able to maintain high energy levels- I then have enough to handle what I need to- and then use the rest to continue finding ways to be a source of positivity, for others.

brooke

I spent three years living on the street in Los Angeles. I came out of that, changed. This is my story.

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