I’ve written a fair amount before on how I believe that ‘the resources know not from whence they come’, but today I think I’ve expanded that concept, thanks to Metavore!
He’s helped me put words to something I’d been heading towards for a while, I think- but had not taken time to clarify/put words to in my own head, until today.
When I’m looking to feel better, feel stronger- feel more capable in the face of obstacles (however great or small, however personal or global) I have realized that at least for me- the resources know not from whence they come.
Step by step, I have been broadening my definitions in life.
Jobs are things to seek because they give us money, which offers security.
But money is only as valuable as what I do with it.
I have begun thinking of resources in terms of value- emotional value.
If I’m up against an obstacle I do not know how to overcome, such as conflict with my mother- I spend time doing things that make me feel better, yet are unrelated to her.
One day, I spent nine hours listening to the same song on repeat as I taught myself how to install a cat door on a door that had never had one in place. I had to research what kind of tools to use, teach myself how to use them. It was an all-day project, and by then end of it – I felt great.
Another time, instead of going on a walk with my parents, I walked over to a grassy field in front of the Civic Hall in Redding, and sang as I wrote in the server- while picking up every piece of trash in sight. Two adjacent fields were spotless by the time I was done, and again – I felt great.
Powerlessness is an incredibly toxic thing to feel.
But we never really are, I believe- because though those actions were superficially unrelated to the actual problems I was facing; they directly helped me overcome them.
Each time, as I worked, I channeled that negativity into… Something else.
Something like empowerment, and strength. And each time when I spoke with my mom afterwards, I was much more capable of communicating my feelings in a way that diffused conflict, instead of increasing it.
The resources know not from whence they come.
When I am feeling bad about one thing that I can’t immediately fix, I can work to make something else better, and I will still feel better.
The flip side of this, that I only just started thinking about today – is that the resources don’t know where they’re going, either.
Within the conflict with my mother example, I was upset with her, but couldn’t solve that right away.
So maybe that’s a way of describing what happens when we channel energy/emotions? How it works, I mean?
I mentioned to Metavore last night that I’ve been really excited about something that I can’t share yet, and I said “ahh I just want to run around waving my arms in the air and yelling about it!”
He said: “run around waving your arms in the air and yell excitedly about something else!’
(I may be paraphrasing here)
So I wrote last night’s blog post.
And today, I started thinking about it again and was having trouble getting my mind off of it- when I realized I could just write about what was going on in my head, right now – using the actual example to illustrate the concept!
I have repeatedly found that if I feel like I’ve come up against some kind of obstacle- I just need to be more creative either about what I’m doing, or how I’m looking at things.
(Having friends is really wonderful for help with this!!)
It’s become something of a habit for me to find ways to use my anger as fuel.
But I hadn’t really thought much about occasions where the emotion that needs channeling is something like excitement- and now the very thought of having this new brain-tool to play around with is terribly….exciting.