I may already have a channel with the title ‘Positivity and Efficiency’; it’s a favorite topic of mine.
I have some stuff in my head, as I’ve said before.
Stuff that is still so much in the realm of intuition- difficult for me to communicate. I’ve been getting better, over time.
I still have a long way to go, though, and have been working towards a place where I can communicate stuff with more clarity by writing about whatever I’d been thinking about on a given day. Using examples or conversations to build things out, piece by piece.
Recently, I tweeted something about how I was considering starting an OnlyFans account.
This was something of a whim; I’d only had that thought first maybe an hour before tweeting it.
Twitter talked me out of it, but I thought the whole experience was pretty fascinating.
First off, a couple disclaimers: I have no problem with doing sex work when it’s done by choice with a full awareness of potential consequences.
I’ve done it before. It doesn’t bother me, I’m comfortable with it.
But I did it for the experience. Now, I feel no pull to do something like that just for the experience.
I know how I feel about it, the things I appreciated and the things I disliked.
It would have purely a quick way to make some money, on my terms.
So when I say that Twitter talked me out of it – I was not talked down from doing something I had a strong desire to do.
That being said, the fact that I was talked down interests me, and was surprising.
Everyone was so nice.
I felt no judgment, despite it being fairly clear that some people from this somewhat right-leaning corner of Twitter do view that kind of thing as immoral, or somehow offensive.
I would not have been surprised to receive responses about it that were disparaging, or mean (though, in truth, I wasn’t being very thoughtful about what I was doing in tweeting that, and hadn’t really stopped to consider my more traditional friends on there first).
But that’s not what happened.
People were nice. They were thoughtful, kind, and supportive.
Because it wasn’t something I felt passionately about, and therefore would not be compromising my own feelings about what was Right for me to do….it became something where I almost would have felt like I was betraying these people who had gone out of their way to treat me with understanding and respect, despite disagreeing about some things, had I gone through with it.
about this –
Anger, dismissal, judgment. They just aren’t efficient.
Those kinds of things, they obscure what we’re really trying to communicate.
I feel like they trigger emotional responses in the people exposed to them that makes effective communication practically impossible.
But show people that it isn’t them we are taking issue with, but rather something they’re doing, or thinking about doing, or have done—
Whole worlds of possibility in effective communication begin to open up.
That’s a tricky thing to do, though!
Might be possible to fake it, but I suspect that if it’s even possible, that kind of thing has limits when faked.
There will always be someone who will pick up on subtle cues that we are not being genuine.
Eventually our deceit, of self or other or both, will be exposed.
This makes the process of getting to the kind of mental state in which we are consistently capable of approaching others in a way that does not under judgment much more daunting – but not impossible.
This is one of those topics that I have little idea on how to communicate where I am in a way that others might be able to follow. I only know how I got here, and even that only roughly.
How I got here was a process that took many years. But it was also an unintentional one.
Not consciously directed. I got here inadvertently, accidentally.
I suspect that there are ways to get a place of empathy, understanding, and compassion for all –
much more quickly than it took me.
When we grow up with those traits being reinforced, I assume it’s much easier to foster then later in life.
But what of those of us who did not? I’ve heard the term ‘reparenting’ thrown around Twitter, and perhaps that is what this takes.
That is not how I frame things in my head, however.
Though positivity has a general sort of reputation of mindlessness and deflection of problems, I believe mine is anything but.
That, indeed- the kind of mentality I’ve been fostering requires fairly intensive and rigorous analysis, thought, and, yes- logic.
In order to treat others with compassion instead of judgment, with empathy instead of blame; I believe that we must first get to a place wherein we are capable of consistently treating ourselves in such a way.
No easy task. Just getting to that point isn’t enough; we must be able to stay there.
To know the hearts of ourselves in a way that cannot be challenged by the hurtful words of those around us, or by the fear and hatred the world is so ride with during these tumultuous times.
As I’ve said before, I do not practice formal meditation. It was only after analyzing what I was doing and reading some about the effects of meditation that I began using that word to describe a pretty crucial aspect of this ability, this skill of being able to consistently maintain a sense of inner calm in the midst of such raging outer storms.
But it is crucial; I believe it’s either not possible or at the very best dreadfully inefficient to try to think rationally and honestly about our own habits, tendencies, and patterns of thought/behavior when we are actively experiencing negative emotions related to them.
I believe there are many, many ways to clear those kinds of emotions, to get to a place where we can think in a way that is not merely reinforcing unhealthy and destructive patterns of thought.
I rely heavily on music, but I believe that any kind of project that pulls in our focus to a point where the mind has little extra space within which to circle the things bothering us, fruitlessly worrying at hurt like a wounded beast, acts as a force of healing.
When that beast inside us all is given something to do with its great power (call it channeling, call it #emotional-alchemy [will link post when I’ve copied it over from my server], call it centering, call it wherever you’d like)- then it becomes possible to look at our wounds in a way that does not cause further damage.
Perhaps it’s like the mental/emotional version of a broken bone, or a gash.
When we panic, we tend to injure ourselves further through careless movements.
But when we are calm, and present, we can look past our fear and our pain and identify the most effective ways to mitigate further damage.
When I was able to look past my own hurt, my own feelings of victimization (when I was on the street, for example) I was able to see how my own choices had led to me being in those situations.
This is not to excuse the people who hurt me.
Taking back my own agency and responsibility does not mean assuming theirs.
I cannot control the actions of others, only my own. And I have found that I can’t even influence the actions of others in a way that has a net positive result on people and the world at large-
When I am not in control of my own, first.