stress and energy: resource allocation

So, I got bit by what may have been a spider in LA. Didn’t realize it at first; thought I had an unusually itchy mosquito bite.
Last night, I got sleepy real early.
One of the really cool things that just kind of started happening after I became happy, for lack of a better descriptor, has to do with… consistency, perhaps.
Sobriety helps, for sure. Wouldn’t be possible without sobriety, but that’s not the whole picture.
I started waking up super early, sans alarm.
Now, I so consistently get an average of eight hours of sleep per night that I can tell when something is up with my health before I have any other symptoms.
I say ‘other’ because I’ve started to think of disrupted sleep as a symptom in itself.
Fell asleep last night at 7pm, woke up at 11:30 pm. I can’t even remember the last time something like that happened; it’s been many months for sure.
Woke up noticing not the bite, but tooth pain. I’ve had several of the worst offenders pulled, but there are still several that have pretty severe decay.
The thing is, I haven’t felt pain in that area like that since I had the last couple pulled. Eventually, the bite became itchy enough to draw my attention, and when I scratched the area, I realized it was far too large to be a mosquito bite.
I bring this up because I feel like it potentially supports some of my ideas as to the source of my high energy (which is totally awesome and a thing I would like to be able to share with others!).
In The Brain’s Way of Healing, by Norman Doidge, MD, he talked about the process that happens in our minds when we’ve experienced an injury. We don’t just experience pain on a conscious level; there’s a vast amount of processing that goes on beneath the surface, so to speak.
When we become injured, signals are sent to the brain. Along the way, they pass through several rounds of gates to determine severity of injury, assess likelihood of further damage etc – at each of these gates, the signal is either killed or sent along to the next.
I think of everything in terms of resources.
How much energy does that process take?
Energy that would otherwise be allocated….elsewhere.
I still have two healing extraction sites, plus with the teeth that still have issues-
it makes a lot of intuitive sense to me that I had not been experiencing pain in my teeth/jaw previously because my body was healthy enough to mostly keep on top of healing.
That’s likely to be the source of the bouts of fever/fatigue I’ve been having; healing or fighting off infections requires materials, requires energy to transport them.
Maybe, just maybe- adding in a large bite of some kind drew enough resources from the dental battles down to the bite site that my body was no longer able to maintain the stasis it had been to that point.
So, then-
what if we take that a step further?
Include not just physical pain, but emotional pain?
Things like stress- what if there are loads of subconscious processes going on when we’re experiencing stress, as well?
Real time threat identification and assessment.
That shit costs.
Requires energy.
Energy is finite; our resources are finite.
Resources allocated to any one task are done so at the cost of others.


My heart rate is too variable for my smartwatch to regularly log a resting heart rate, but when it does; my resting rate ranges between 66 and 75 BPM.
Last time I went to the doctor, my blood pressure was 101/68.
Bear in mind that I was living under a bridge, shooting up crystal meth, less than a year ago.
This has been a sudden and quite extreme transformation, and one that I think is possible for anyone to replicate.
Whole galaxies of hitherto unimaginable possibilities began opening up for me after I began letting go of stress.
Not letting it go, that isn’t quite accurate.
Consuming it.
Transforming it, turning it into something…else.
Can you imagine what might be possible for our species, our entire planet-
were more of us to free up all those resources currently being allocated to things like stress, threat detection, worry, fear, and all the rest
and begin to harness that power, that energy?
Individually, collectively?
Gives me fucking chills, man.
The world isn’t ending.
It’s just getting started.


I spent three years living on the street in Los Angeles. I came out of that, changed. This is my story.

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