retrain your brain – consciousness in word choices

[Original posting date: June 3, 2020]
This is a direct continuation of guide to sobriety
It manifests in myself, and, from what I can tell- perhaps people in general – in lots of ways
Unscrupulous behavior in politics, in business
Lashing out
Against self
Or Other
Releases the pressure, for a time
But creates more problems, down the line
Which result in more pressure
And so on
I am choosing to not play that game, not anymore
I don’t like playing games that are not even possible for me to win
The game I am playing now, choosing to play now- is cooperative, instead of competitive
So when I win, you win. And when you win, I win. And, eventually, everyone will start winning.
But it doesn’t just happen by making that declaration
It takes werk
That means it’s a fun kind of work
But still challenging
(Had to change the playlist, and start going for a walk- to get more of that inspiration-fuel going!)
The whole werds thing is crucial in all this
Words fucking matter
Whether they are in thought form, or spoken formI talked about this somewhere here, can’t remember
where, but-
I decided today to stop using the word write, solely
In this server
That’s an example
I’d been going back and forth between using ‘write’ and using ‘talk’
But in writing #greetings-and-salutations, I realized I generally write within this server –
Like I speak
Like I talk
So instead of worrying so much about whether I use the word talk, or use write
I am just going to use whichever feels right in the context
And can feel comfortable with doing so
Because I have already thought about why I’m using them, and paid attention to when I use each- to feel
like I’m okay with using either instead of one or the other
This server is all about nuance
About head
And about heart
Fostering the growth of one through the other
And the order in which that happens is variable
I read somewhere, can’t remember where
That our brains, when electrical activity is being monitored
respond the same to viewing an event live, as they do viewing video footage of an event happening.


This is why instances of PTSD skyrocketed after 9/11, across the country

From people watching it on the news

Something similar will happen after this period in time, I’m sure

is happening, right now


But, to take that concept a step further


I believe (and maybe this was in the article I read, but maybe not) that our brains likewise respond similarly to things being read, as things being watched on TV

And, a step further

Respond similarly to thinking things, as they do to reading things

And saying those thoughts out loud?

makes them real.

So a huge part of my recovery, and now what has become a process more akin to thriving, than recovering

Has been to develop a consciousness in my word choices

And, since the only thing I’ve ever found that has resulted in things like sobriety

Has been to…

Not tame the storms within my soul

But to instead acknowledge them

Acknowledge that they have been there all my life

And will always be there

And no longer let them destroy me, destroy others


but to use the maelstrom I have inside me as fuel to keep going, no matter what

(Need to change music again)


And I do this by recognizing what my brain is doing, and why

And using that information to figure out ways to get it to do something else

When we express doubt

Are self-deprecating in thought, words, or actions


Our brains don’t fully get that nuance


Those “I’m sorry for being annoying”

“I shouldn’t be this entertained”

“I’m an idiot, hahaha”



reinforce those beliefs

Reinforce those neural pathways

And we will keep having those thoughts

Those fears

Those doubts

Until we slow that roll


This is why I can’t just tell any of you, in simple and concise words, how to be happy
How to be sober




You have to do that
You have to find the ways that these kinds of self-defeating behaviors and habits are holding you back
And you have to find the ways that work, for you as an individual, to begin overcoming them
By first developing awareness of them
And then putting that awareness into action
and then not giving up
If you’ve hit a wall
There’s something you’re not seeing
When I hit walls, there is something I’m not seeing
Some way I can change not myself, but how I’m viewing the situation, that will allow me to somehow, find another way
This server is filled with my own other ways
Example after example
Read them
Then use them to think of your own Other Ways
And thus you will start retraining your brain
Weaning your brain off of stress
Off of negativity
And doubt
And begin reinforcing the kinds of thoughts, and therefore the kinds of feelings
that are more likely to help you win at this game.


I spent three years living on the street in Los Angeles. I came out of that, changed. This is my story.

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