lost? or exploring!


I was looking for a place to pull over to talk about something in [server channel #fabricating-fortune]

But I took too long

And it turned into a whole different channel!
I’ll just write about it here instead
So I went online with Uber Eats just after I stopped writing in [tbf channel]
I wrote in a couples channels, on and off, while I went into a couple drugstores to try to buy a new cassette adapter because I have a hard time being as efficient as possible about making work – werk – when I do not have music

And Sisi ate the cable of my last adapter (which I had seemingly magically found in one of the two only trash cans I peeked in when I was down in LA last time; after unsuccessfully checking a couple stores for one!!)

I have a bluetooth doodad
But the quality is not great

So anyway

I went online and immediately got an order for 15$ something, with a probable tip added on later
Started driving
Music up real loud, finally back to better quality

And the music


My car speakers decided to retire themselves
Without consulting me

I had a bluetooth speaker in the car
So I pulled over and switched to that

When I arrived at the restaurant, I checked to make sure it really was the speakers themselves and not something I could fix right then

And then I had a choice to make
To keep working under conditions that were not ideal
Or try to find another solution
I do need to start making some money
But not having music to which I can dance, and sing, and keep my energy up

Keep that work, werk

Means I would have started working instead of werking

And that’s not how I’m choosing to live anymore

So I decided I’d go back to my parents house and either call it a night, or, hopefully- borrow one of their cars instead
To werk a couple more hours

I set the app to not give me any more deliveries
And I’m glad I did!

I had no way to know at the time, but that delivery went to somewhere near my house
Which was a thing of the word luck, and not my werd luck – meaning chance. Unpredictable. But the kind of luck that I usually am referring to in what I write

Has to do with taking what is offered, to reference Altered Carbon once again
Has to do, in this example, with how annoying it would have been, had I not decided right away
And instead, had received another order

And then found myself driving close to my house, when it was too late to go switch cars without canceling or declining an order

Sometimes waiting to make decisions
Really means that life will make them for us

In ways that are frequently not to our liking

And, on top of all that- my phone froze when I arrived
And had to be restarted
And the battery was drained when it powered back up

But all of that was okay!

It did not stress me out
Because I had already realized that if I kept working then,
Under conditions that were not ideal

I would have not been so resilient when running into problems like that

But I didn’t, and so I was!

I started driving back and didn’t feel like using Google Maps
So I got a little lost
It’s been so long since I’ve lived in Redding, and my memory is so problematic to begin with, that I frequently find myself in areas that I have no idea if I’ve been to before

And so I get to explore

I’ve done this in other cities

Where I intentionally sort of create conditions in which I end up getting lost

But not lost in a scary way (though I’ve been that before, unintentionally)

When I do this for fun, I make sure I have enough gas

And that I have the ability to look up directions if I can’t find my way back

But usually I hit on a street I recognize


And in so doing

I start to connect the dots of a city

Like connecting the channels of my server – connecting these posts

The map becomes clearer in my mind

And I frequently find that unexpected adventures were waiting for me

Just around a corner

That I would never have turned

Had I not been okay with getting lost, by creating conditions in which I am not Lost- in which, instead-

I am exploring.


I spent three years living on the street in Los Angeles. I came out of that, changed. This is my story.

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