“I see you.”

Sometimes, when my brain gets too cluttered – when I have a bunch of projects I am working on, and getting nowhere with all of them, or a bunch of channels I’m writing and have likewise finished none-

It becomes necessary to take a step back, hit the reset button.

Clear my head, and proceed once I feel more…balanced.

I will return to the channels from yesterday, after I shower and get my head back on straight.

Alright.

 

Words, matter. 

Stuff like symbolism, matters.

What environments we choose to place ourselves in- physically and mentally–

They matter.

I write these posts in my discord server, and I keep the channels I’m still working on, at the top.

Yesterday, by the end of the day- there were four or five channels up, that I had not finished, by the end of the day.

 

I used to cut my hair off, shaved or into a mohawk- when I was feeling the need for a change.

 

That was how I made that inner change – real, to my eyes, to my mind.

 

That was Old Brooke.

 

Now, when I dye or cut my hair, I do it because it’s what I think will help me feel more like me, look more like me.

 

 

But the feeling behind that action- now I effect that, in my mind- in a myriad of ways.

Today, that meant moving all those channels, down to the category of older ones I have not yet transcribed.

I will return to them, probably- if and when I see utility in doing so.

 

But first, I wanted that symbolism, that came with having an empty space at the top of the server.

I feel like this might tie into the concept of consistency, in a way- when I try to reset my mind, try to start from a clean slate- when mine own has become too cluttered to think clearly… It is much easier to do when my eyes actually see a clean slate, if that makes sense?

Like the seeking perspective post.

This is how I seek perspective, when I do not have the time or the ability to go actually climb a tree, or wander along a mountain road, looking for the kind of view that helps remind me of it.

 

It may be easier to reach, more quickly- doing those things.

But it is not impossible, when we cannot.

 

It just takes a little more werk, a little more self-awareness, to turn the things in our immediate environment into visible reminders of the sort of perspective we seek, in our minds.

This is one of those things that is very personal. That I cannot tell you how to effect, in your own life, in any given moment.

 

I can only give examples of the ways in which I do it, hoping they might, now or later- trigger an idea in your mind, of something you might do, at a time when it is needed- to get to a similar sort of mental landmark as I’m trying to communicate- the sort of thing I talked about in the introduction to werds post.

 

These journeys- we all take, alone.

 

There is no other way.

 

No one will ever understand me, fully- not my parents, not my friends, not anyone reading this stuff.

 

Just as no one in your lives will ever understand you, fully.

 

But we catch glimpses. Can share moments of our selves, through the eyes of others.

 

Those moments of connection, of reaching, of true communication, with another living being- those are what I live for.

Those are the moments when I feel the most alive, when the beauty of being alive, fills my very soul.

When things in my life become too much,

when my mind becomes too cluttered, when I begin to feel unbearably alone, unbearably alien-

 

I remember you.

I remember that I am not alone, in feeling alone.

 

I remember, to reach

 

Across the divides of our lives, of our minds.

 

Across the divides of our ideologies, the divides of distance, and of time itself-

 

And then – something is communicated, between those two pairs of eyes- something like

 

“I see you.”

 

brooke

I spent three years living on the street in Los Angeles. I came out of that, changed. This is my story.

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