I am my own master

I had a plan for this blog.
Phase one: moving over stuff from discord
Phase two: distillation. Defining and fleshing out concepts such as TBF, PF, and lifemax equations.
And phase three: Phase three was intended to be when the really fun stuff starts.
And today, what I want to talk about- is part of what I had been intending to hold off on.
I was worried that sharing it in a more public platform than discord- would alienate people.
And it probably will, some. But there is less chance of this, if I try hard enough to Find the Words.


What I want to talk about, has to do with that TED talk.

With oxytocin.
When we approach stress – differently, when we view the things which cause us stress more as obstacles to be overcome, instead of simply awful things which we must accept, even when we cannot
our bodies physically respond to stress, differently.
The statistics McGonigal lists in that talk, are mind-blowing.
Blood vessels dilate, instead of constrict. It’s almost like becoming battle-ready, in my mind- an athlete, just before the start of the competition.
Our brains release oxytocin- commonly referred to as the ‘cuddle hormone.’
Oxytocin causes us to seek out social contact. Inspires us to seek help, when we need it- and to help others, more.
I believe that I have been undergoing a process of finding ways that work, for me personally- to make that way of approaching stress, of processing stress, that she
spoke of in the video – my stasis.
And I believe that the results of this process, are visible in my Samsung Health data. Are visible, behind what I’ve been saying throughout my server and this blog.
I began describing my energy levels in binary terms, shortly after beginning this process.
There is ‘On,’ and there is ‘Off’- and there is rarely anything between.
I just looked at the trends for my heart rate data in Samsung Health, from my galaxy watch, last night- and that binary thing is reflected in that data.
My resting blood pressure is as low now as it can be without crossing the line into being dangerous.
This means that I have to keep moving, keep my blood pressure and heart rate above a certain level- or my energy drops, immediately.
I have spoken before of something I’ve been referring to as manually turning my emotional dial- What this means, in practical terms- is that when I am upset, I am getting better at recognizing my emotional shift, as it’s happening…. And when I do, when I realize I am getting upset- I make the decision not to be.
I come up with a plan as to how I think I might be able to slow that roll, as I’ve been referring to the process- I put it into action, and then I pull myself out of being upset.
Not instantaneously- but nearly so.
The thing is, being ‘upset’ is not just a brain thing. It is also a body thing, a physiological one. Being upset- angry, frustrated, scared, whatever- is a state which is reflected in such data as our blood pressure, heart rate, etc. And normally, it takes time for these indicators to revert to pre-event status.
So it would make sense to me- that in order to be able to do that, to be able to effect such rapid turnarounds in my physical and emotional landscape- my physiology itself has altered, to some degree.
Not just my brain. Brain and body both, as a system.


This is the dance of which I have spoken- for it is a dance.
When I am able to successfully direct where I would like my emotional swings to go- I feel like a conductor. A master, employing my craft.
It’s one no one else can see- only becomes visible to others through the distorted, muddy lens of my words, and my actions. But when I do this, the various component parts of the system that is Brooke- dance.
My mind recognizes an issue, sent via signals in the form of feelings. Tries to identify the root of the issue, as accurately as possible.
As honestly as possible.
Then, my mind comes up with a potential solution- frequently that comes, for me, in the form of particular songs or genres that I believe will resonate with those feelings, but turn them in the direction I would like them to go.
This, I could only begin doing in a meaningful way, after I became proactive in expanding my internal musical catalog.
Emotions, they are complex things. Vary in flavor, with incredible granularity. So too must you find granularity in music, if you want to try to employ it consciously as a tool to gain greater mastery over your own system.


I spent three years living on the street in Los Angeles. I came out of that, changed. This is my story.

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