What I feel-
When I am feeling grateful
Is really similar to the way I’ve felt when I’ve done ecstasy
so, that makes me suspect that perhaps serotonin is at play, though that’s just a surmise on my part
I don’t know about all that.
But what I do know
Is that the times, long ago, that I did ecstasy
I felt this sweeping love
but not just that
I felt this overwhelming urge to tell the people I was with exactly why I thought they were so awesome, and exactly how much they meant to me
And, unlike with being drunk- I never felt close to anyone I didn’t feel close to, while sober-
I just wanted to express the things I already felt – more
I’ve noticed something similar happening recently, now that I am currently sober
When I start thinking about how much I appreciate someone
I start smiling
just from the power of those thoughts
frequently even start giggling
just from pure joy
There’s a whole category of things I haven’t talked all that much about, yet
A little, but not much
I’ve been focusing my efforts (in the stuff I wrote in the discord server, which I haven’t ported over much of yet)
On describing how I’ve been trying to deal with obstacles
And why I think I’ve done the things I’ve done, throughout my life
to better understand why I do what I do, now
But the reason I’ve been doing that
is to try to illustrate what goes into being Brooke, now
Because I don’t know what might work for other people, to get to this kind of state of being
This state of chronic happiness
where, instead of taking occasional brief visits in happiness
while spending most of my time Not Happy, to whatever degree
Instead – now,
I spend most of my time feeling Happy, of whatever degree
With occasional, brief interludes of Not Happy
In which I eventually figure out what went wrong in my head
and then fix it
And get back to happy again!
This is something I believe everyone is capable of – existing in a state of chronic happiness
with enough time, enough feeling, and enough thinking about those feelings
but YOU have to do it.
It cannot be done for you.
It cannot be told to you.
It does not just – happen, of its own accord.
It is challenging, and requires so much energy
So much dedication
So much werk
But oh my god
It is more rewarding, more worth that work- than I could possibly express.
I have begun trying to distill some of what goes into my attempts to find/maintain chronic happiness
But I am just one human.
One really strange and bizarre human
my goal to make the world less grumpy
to tangibly reduce the amount of suffering, pain and unhappiness
that I see around me every day,
everywhere I go
will begin to be effected far more quickly
and more efficiently
the more weird humans we can get in on this
The more granularity we can bring to this whole experience of happiness thing
Because my words will not speak to everyone
But there will be people out there
For whom yours, will.
Finding the Words is not a task I can achieve alone – not on the kind of timetable I’m limited to, with my solitary human lifespan.
So many minds, so many different experiences
and ways of perceiving the world
So many different thoughts, ideas, and words
working in concert
with a unified goal
Of a planet no longer surviving
We might surprise ourselves with what we are capable of accomplishing.