chronic happiness as a master plan

What I feel-

physically

emotionally

When I am feeling grateful

Is really similar to the way I’ve felt when I’ve done ecstasy

so, that makes me suspect that perhaps serotonin is at play, though that’s just a surmise on my part

 

I don’t know about all that.

But what I do know

Is that the times, long ago, that I did ecstasy

I felt this sweeping love

but not just that

I felt this overwhelming urge to tell the people I was with exactly why I thought they were so awesome, and exactly how much they meant to me

And, unlike with being drunk- I never felt close to anyone I didn’t feel close to, while sober-

I just wanted to express the things I already felt – more

I’ve noticed something similar happening recently, now that I am currently sober

When I start thinking about how much I appreciate someone

it swells

I start smiling

just from the power of those thoughts

frequently even start giggling

just from pure joy

There’s a whole category of things I haven’t talked all that much about, yet

A little, but not much

I’ve been focusing my efforts (in the stuff I wrote in the discord server, which I haven’t ported over much of yet)

On describing how I’ve been trying to deal with obstacles

And why I think I’ve done the things I’ve done, throughout my life

to better understand why I do what I do, now

But the reason I’ve been doing that

is to try to illustrate what goes into being Brooke, now

Because I don’t know what might work for other people, to get to this kind of state of being

This state of chronic happiness

where, instead of taking occasional brief visits in happiness

while spending most of my time Not Happy, to whatever degree

Instead – now,

I spend most of my time feeling Happy, of whatever degree

With occasional, brief interludes of Not Happy

In which I eventually figure out what went wrong in my head

and then fix it

And get back to happy again!

 

This is something I believe everyone is capable of – existing in a state of chronic happiness

with enough time, enough feeling, and enough thinking about those feelings

but YOU have to do it.

It cannot be done for you.

It cannot be told to you. 

It does not just – happen, of its own accord.

It is challenging, and requires so much energy

So much dedication

So much werk

But oh my god

It is more rewarding, more worth that work- than I could possibly express.

 

I have begun trying to distill some of what goes into my attempts to find/maintain chronic happiness

But I am just one human.

One really strange and bizarre human

So, eventually

my goal to make the world less grumpy

to tangibly reduce the amount of suffering, pain and unhappiness

that I see around me every day, 

everywhere I go

that goal

will begin to be effected far more quickly

and more efficiently

the more weird humans we can get in on this

The more granularity we can bring to this whole experience of happiness thing

 

Because my words will not speak to everyone

But there will be people out there

For whom yours, will.

 

Finding the Words is not a task I can achieve alone – not on the kind of timetable I’m limited to, with my solitary human lifespan.

But, together-

So many minds, so many different experiences

and ways of perceiving the world

So many different thoughts, ideas, and words

working in concert

with a unified goal

 Of a planet no longer surviving

but

a planet 

thriving

I think,

maybe

We might surprise ourselves with what we are capable of accomplishing.

 

brooke

I spent three years living on the street in Los Angeles. I came out of that, changed. This is my story.

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